We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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