I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
