This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
