Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
