so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
