I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But break dance skills will only take you so far
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
