How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
