I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
