I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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