My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
