Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
