Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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