Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
