Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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