This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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