Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship

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(518): View more from New York

I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward

Fav 11 4226 1170
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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.

Fav 11 4709 2082
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(314): View more from Missouri

great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously

Fav 10 980 2576
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(760): View more from California

she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.

Fav 10 3645 1244
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(973): View more from New Jersey

U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night

Fav 3 2790 1555
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(212): View more from New York

You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines

Fav 14 1768 904
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(512): View more from Texas

totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck

Fav 1 1044 515
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(205): View more from Alabama

It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview

Fav 0 16 36
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