Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
