Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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