Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
