Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
