I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
