He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
