explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
