dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize