So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
