i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
