I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is the high leading the old right now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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