The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do herpes really smell.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
