i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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