i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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