Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
