Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
