Where did you get a picture of my penis
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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