he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
