If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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