party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
