Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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