Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize