I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
