i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
