We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
