we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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