he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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