I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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