Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
