I wanna bring you to show and tell
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
