I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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