you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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