Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize