And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
