Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
