There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
