are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
