I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
