You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
