I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
