I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
