Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
