If i come over, it means nothing
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
