i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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