he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You can't just leave with hair like that
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just shit out all my problems.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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