My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
