so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
