Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
