Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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