When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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