My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
