so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
