I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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