Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
